Planting A Seed November 16, 2010

The discussion from our small group meeting last week was fruitful for me. We had small attendance and a new couple to the group, which directed the conversation in many new ways for us. We spent some time talking about loving people who have left our lives. Either leaving the church we spent time together in, or just the phase of life we use to share. The conclusion was that it is our job as Christians to still love those who have “left”, even if we don’t like their reasons. That can be hard  because we as emotional beings can develop anger and resentment.  If we don’t love these people how can we expect they will respect us as people working on walking in Jesus’ likeness.

I have a relationship in my life that is, well ,  we’ll just say, interesting. The ups and downs of the relationship have been very very difficult for me ,  I’m sure for the other person also. We have know each other closely for about 2 years now. A great intimate relationship in the beginning .  What relationship doesn’t have the honeymoon stage!   As time moved forward changes were being made in our lives.  Changes that moved the closeness further apart. I came to know Jesus in a more intimate way. I strived to live my life in a better way. She was intrigued to know Jesus.  When I made real changes in my lifestyle because of my new commitment to the Lord, she was fearful of change.  Unfortunately she ran away  from  me emotionally. She became angry. She began to question The Word. She became judgmental, and very negative.  Not just negative towards me as a person of faith, but negative towards life. Things were not going well in her life and so she took the hard times as a sign there was no God. During these struggles in her life I desperately wanted to be there and support her and show how God gives strength. She pushed and pushed and pushed. I finally got the hint and backed away. Hurt, angry, and crushed, I moved further and further away from her and her life. I shared with her  that I was sad  we couldn’t be close but that her negativity was just too much for me or be apart of. We  finally came to an understanding after a few months.  I’ve struggled with all this though. I  was very angry with her, but I forgive her because we are told to so in the Bible. She’s lost, I’m suppose to be a light. My heart says she’s confused she needs my understanding and forgiveness and compassion  which God gives it to me each and every day.  My mind says, she doesn’t want it, don’t push it.   At this time, I am planting  a seed, someone else’s job may be to water  it.

Sometimes I still feel like: I’m not getting hurt again. She’s really out in left field with some thoughts  and I can’t even sift through what’s going on when she speaks, at times. I’ve got a family, a full time job, kids to raise,  and a church community I’m involved in. I don’t have time for dramatic negativity. I have my own husband, 2 young boys and a job that can be pretty stressful. I’m not going to go out and ask for more! I’ll just stick to my great church friends and my wonderful family! Yeah that’s all I need, a nice safe bubble of love from other believers. COMFORTING!

WAIT?!?!  Who am I?  No effort to further the Kingdom, no effort to further my own faith.

I felt God’s disappointed voice saying ,  ”things aren’t suppose to be   warm and fuzzy all the time.”  I will be ridiculed for my love for Him. I will be judged and “stoned”. I have to find my way to work through that.

So I spend more time in the Word, more quiet time.  With all this, I have heard Him saying I am to just love. Sounds easy enough, ha!,  What  about those emotions. Well I’m working on it. Great direction from Sunday mornings, wonderful discussions from small groups, healthy support from fellow brothers and sisters. I’ve been working with all this for a few months now. I’ve found peace in the transition. I’ve felt growth of my soul. It’s a nice feeling.

So I drove this person to get her car from the shop the other day. She saw my Bible in the center console. She commented on how it was a very pretty cover. We spoke briefly about different versions of the Bible, what I read where I shopped. She quietly said, “I should put that on my Christmas list.  I should ask my mom for a Bible”. I didn’t comment then, but it was great to hear that. So I went out of a leap of faith, and purchased a Bible for her. I gave it to her the other day saying “I was just thinking about you”. She was very grateful. It  was nice to see her face light up. We didn’t talk further about it, we let the kids run around together a bit. Then said good-bye. Later that night I got a text message, “Thanks again for the bible, it means a lot to me, that  you had me in your thoughts. I plan to see you on Sunday morning…xoxo”.

submitted by: Desiree Spencer

submit your story: mystory@dutchfork.com

 

Advertisement